I am getting married in a week, right in the beginning of a brand new October that no one has ever lived before. I am not the girl who used to write sad poetry on the internet anymore. I do not lie in bed until the sun is high in the sky. There is always something to do, someone to talk to, somewhere to go. I have my grocery trips down to a routine. I pay my bills on time. I know how to gently navigate my parent’s anxieties. I am getting married in a week.
I wrote so much on here that I don’t remember writing. And also, full moments of my life went completely unrecorded on this blog. It was like it’s own little universe, where I put my pretty words to bed, and collected all these beautiful pictures, and didn’t have to live in the chaos of life. It was curated and sifted through for easy reading.
In an inelegant way, I feel anxious right now, and heavy. Not because of any particular thing, but maybe it can be a bit hard to grow and realize your life really does belong to so many other people. Your family, your friends, your partner, your job. When I was 20, there were so many little ways I didn’t even know I was living in a little bubble. Nothing to think about, other than the angsts of brand new youth- like unrequited love or inherent meaning. I am not that much older now, and I know I am looking back on it with a rosy gaze (because in many ways I am more solid and happy now) but I can’t help but wish I had the time to waste my day away completely.
It’s a beautiful day though. And I am in love. And the future comes fast. And I am still young yet.
